Muse Day, December: Common Cold, by Ogden Nash
Tired and a bit droopy am I
Common Cold
By Odgen Nash
Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I’m not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever’s hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!
Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne’er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare’s plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
Does anyone remember when doctors made house calls? I sure don’t, but sometimes, I wish they still did.
Ugh, for better Muse Day entries, please see Carolyn at Sweet Home and Garden Chicago. Thanks Carolyn.
Achoo!
© 2009, Dee Nash. All rights reserved.
Posted on December 1st, 2009 at 12:33 pm
This is wonderful! But I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Leslie´s last blog ..Cactus Monday
Posted on December 1st, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Yes, feel better soon.
Kathy from Cold Climate Gardening´s last blog ..Why I Garden
Posted on December 1st, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I love that poem! We’ve had plenty of sickness around our house this year, swine flue included (thank goodness it doesn’t make you throw up – I didn’t find it as bad as the normal influenza type A). A bit of humor is very good medicine indeed.
VW´s last blog ..Not Your Typical Poinsettias
Posted on December 1st, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Laughter is the best medicine… so they say. Would//could a doctor write a prescription for that? Sympathies. Get to feeling better.
Barbee’´s last blog ..That’s My Boy!
Posted on December 1st, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I hate to say it but I do remember Drs making house calls. Love the poem. I hadn’t read this one before. Happy December.
Posted on December 1st, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Our doctor never made house calls, but it seems to me that doctors should. Why should the person who is contagious & feels like crud be forced to leave their bed to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room for an inordinate time? That makes no sense.
Mr. McGregor’s Daughter´s last blog ..When a Gardener Hosts a Party
Posted on December 1st, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Ogden Nash is great!! What a great poem about colds. Too bad house calls aren’t made anymore.
Mary Delle´s last blog ..Muse Day- December
Posted on December 1st, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Gesundheit! Did you try zinc lozenges? I think you have to use them early.
Robin
Robin Ripley´s last blog ..Horseradish Harvest: My New Condiment Garden
Posted on December 1st, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Great selection Dee and one that matches your mood I’m sure. Everyone has their favorite remedy for a cold but it was recently proved that chicken soup really does work
carolyngail´s last blog ..GARDEN BLOGGERS’ MUSE DAY DEC.1
Posted on December 2nd, 2009 at 3:15 am
Oh no, you gots a cold. Tis the season to look like Rudolph is the only bright side. I do hope it’s a quick one and you are back on track in no time. Big hugs
Anna/Flowergardengirl´s last blog ..Red Geraniums blooming in December and Superwoman
Posted on December 2nd, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Lol, leave it to dear old Ogden Nash to illustrate what it feels like to have a miserable cold:) I do hope you don’t have bacteria as large as mice, Dee; hope you are feeling better soon!
Rose´s last blog ..ABC Wednesday and Garden Muse Day: Two-in-One
Posted on December 3rd, 2009 at 12:38 am
Oh, you poor thing! There is nothing worse than the “common cold”–at least it feels that way when you have one. If you were closer, I would fix you a big pot of Texas Penicillin–Chicken Tortilla Soup–it will make you feel so much better. Hope you are better soon.
p.s. Love that poem!
Jenny B´s last blog ..November Butterflies
Posted on December 4th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
So sorry you’ve been feeling poorly…I hope that you are on your way to being better. gail
Gail´s last blog ..Tell Me, Please
Posted on December 12th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
I’m glad you are getting better. After this year, I am more compassionate for people suffering colds and flu, all illness. There’s always something good out of illness–for me I slow down enough to really listen to what’s important in my life!
xxxooo
CurtissAnn
CurtissAnn´s last blog ..Yes, There are Still Miracles, Virginia