Common Cold
By Odgen Nash
Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I’m not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.
By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever’s hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!
Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.
Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne’er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.
A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare’s plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
Does anyone remember when doctors made house calls? I sure don’t, but sometimes, I wish they still did.
Ugh, for better Muse Day entries, please see Carolyn at Sweet Home and Garden Chicago. Thanks Carolyn.
Achoo!
I’m glad you are getting better. After this year, I am more compassionate for people suffering colds and flu, all illness. There’s always something good out of illness–for me I slow down enough to really listen to what’s important in my life!
xxxooo
CurtissAnn
.-= CurtissAnn´s last blog ..Yes, There are Still Miracles, Virginia =-.
So sorry you’ve been feeling poorly…I hope that you are on your way to being better. gail
.-= Gail´s last blog ..Tell Me, Please =-.
Oh, you poor thing! There is nothing worse than the “common cold”–at least it feels that way when you have one. If you were closer, I would fix you a big pot of Texas Penicillin–Chicken Tortilla Soup–it will make you feel so much better. Hope you are better soon.
p.s. Love that poem!
.-= Jenny B´s last blog ..November Butterflies =-.
Lol, leave it to dear old Ogden Nash to illustrate what it feels like to have a miserable cold:) I do hope you don’t have bacteria as large as mice, Dee; hope you are feeling better soon!
.-= Rose´s last blog ..ABC Wednesday and Garden Muse Day: Two-in-One =-.
Oh no, you gots a cold. Tis the season to look like Rudolph is the only bright side. I do hope it’s a quick one and you are back on track in no time. Big hugs
.-= Anna/Flowergardengirl´s last blog ..Red Geraniums blooming in December and Superwoman =-.
Great selection Dee and one that matches your mood I’m sure. Everyone has their favorite remedy for a cold but it was recently proved that chicken soup really does work 🙂
.-= carolyngail´s last blog ..GARDEN BLOGGERS’ MUSE DAY DEC.1 =-.
Gesundheit! Did you try zinc lozenges? I think you have to use them early.
Robin
.-= Robin Ripley´s last blog ..Horseradish Harvest: My New Condiment Garden =-.
Ogden Nash is great!! What a great poem about colds. Too bad house calls aren’t made anymore.
.-= Mary Delle´s last blog ..Muse Day- December =-.
Our doctor never made house calls, but it seems to me that doctors should. Why should the person who is contagious & feels like crud be forced to leave their bed to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room for an inordinate time? That makes no sense.
.-= Mr. McGregor’s Daughter´s last blog ..When a Gardener Hosts a Party =-.
I hate to say it but I do remember Drs making house calls. Love the poem. I hadn’t read this one before. Happy December.
Laughter is the best medicine… so they say. Would//could a doctor write a prescription for that? Sympathies. Get to feeling better.
.-= Barbee’´s last blog ..That’s My Boy! =-.
I love that poem! We’ve had plenty of sickness around our house this year, swine flue included (thank goodness it doesn’t make you throw up – I didn’t find it as bad as the normal influenza type A). A bit of humor is very good medicine indeed.
.-= VW´s last blog ..Not Your Typical Poinsettias =-.
Yes, feel better soon.
.-= Kathy from Cold Climate Gardening´s last blog ..Why I Garden =-.
This is wonderful! But I hope you’re feeling better soon.
.-= Leslie´s last blog ..Cactus Monday =-.