Do you ever wonder what will happen to your garden should you become ill or die?
I do.
None of us wants to think about the day when we no longer have the strength to keep up with the weeding, or our children must divvy up our earthly goods, but it will happen. I belong to garden societies with many, wonderful, innovative gardeners now residing in nursing homes, or who have passed. One of the best scenarios occurred when members of the hemerocallis society were asked if they wanted the plants from a deceased daylily hybridizer’s garden. Pieces of her prized daylilies were given away and sold at the spring sale. Her nephew had the foresight to ask before he sold the property. Members were careful not to destroy the landscape as they liquidated her holdings. I have pieces of her garden in mine today.
What if you move? After living in the same home for over thirty-five years, my friend, Wanda, did, and I watched her agonize over potential buyers who came to see her home. She talked to me about buying her house, but . . . although the garden suited me, the house didn’t work for our family. When Wanda sold it, she left long lists of the plants and their necessary requirements. I’d love to tell you that the woman who bought the garden was up to the task, but she had surgery and a long rehabilitation. When I saw the garden last summer, it was in horrible shape. I don’t drive by there anymore.
Flip the coin to the other side. Let’s say you inherit a garden. In much of England, gardening appears to be a way of life. The United States is a young country, and Americans are young gardeners. Oklahoma statehood is 102 years old, and only recently have people started thinking about the landscape surrounding their homes. My grandparents from Missouri and Oklahoma gave little thought to flowers and the external aesthetic. They were concerned with growing and preserving food.
My parents rarely gardened. My mother is a wonder with African violets and houseplants, and my dad set out a tomato or two, but only rarely became enthused about growing things in the spring.
They’re not sure where I came from.
Over 200 years into our national history, many of us are now recipients of mature gardens created by others. Then, there are gardeners like me, who have lived in the same home for a long time (over 20 years). Our gardens are starting to mature, and some of the elements we planted or built when we first started no longer work.
When Tovah Martin speaks at the OKC Zoo’s education center on February 14, 2010, at 2:00 p.m., she is going to talk about garden stewardship. Issues like structural elements, garden maturity, invasive plants and maintenance are all on the agenda. She said she enjoys interactive talks, and she wants our participation.
I think you should come. The talk is free and open to the public. If you do decide to attend and happen to see me, stop by and say hi. I’d love to meet you.
In the meantime, if you have a garden, think about what you want to happen when you’re no longer able to tend it. Is there someone in your family who likes plants? Could you give some of your garden to them in the form of passalong plants or seeds? What about the entire garden? These are things to consider. I’d hate for my garden to simply die off with me. Bear says she’s going to take it, but we’ll see. The Diva used to say that too, but it’s improbable since she doesn’t like to get her hands dirty. No. One? ASW? ‘Er no.
Elizabeth Lawrence’s family was fortunate to find Mary Lindeman “Lindie” Wilson to buy Lawrence’s Charlotte, NC, property and legacy. Wilson wrote about owning the garden and put her personal stamp on it while being a good steward. I feel lucky I met her and had the opportunity to walk where Lawrence walked and worked the soil. Because of Wilson’s twenty year commitment, and the Wing Haven Foundation’s current ownership, the garden is still available for tours. It’s a small garden, but to many people, it means so much.
Grand gardens like the Biltmore will always have stewards, but what about yours? Further, what can we do to help the next generation of gardeners to love gardening as we do? If we succeed, maybe they will want to care for our little plots of earth. I can hope.
Dee, I see why Wanda was your garden mentor and know you must miss her terribly. That long bed of hers was just gorgeous and I see the inspiration you gained from her mentorship in your own gardens.
You know, I’m okay with just letting what will be, be. If my garden or its intent survives beyond me, that’s great. If not, there’s not much I can do about it. I’ve moved away from several gardens and I really don’t recommend a drive-by later! I do however, take a little bit of this and that from each garden, even if it’s only an idea. I think passalong plants are the way to go. Nice post Dee.
Poignant and thought-provoking Dee. I’ve moved, on average, every 8 years or so as an adult, and by now that’s several moves. I’ve gardened in each home, and don’t think I’ll ever get used to leaving the garden behind. Plants come with me – they’re usually, when possible, the first things I ‘pack.’
The only garden I’ve left that’s remained essentially as I left it is the last, and my most favorite one. The one before that, the owner ripped out every bed and laid sod. The one before that, a McMansion was built on top of the garden and around what was once a charming 1940’s cape cod. Sorry to see those gardens go, I would have minded less if the owners had planted things they loved (other than sod and ostentatiousness,) in place of what I loved. It still makes me smile driving past the last house seeing the garden still thriving and maturing. Being in a thriving real estate market at the time, I had my pick of buyers and chose the one I thought would most likely love the garden.
I’m lucky coming from a family with generations of gardening experience and passion, and find it comforting knowing pieces of my last garden will surely end up living on in the gardens of children who, as young adults garden in their own homes, and maybe even in the gardens of their children after them.
Thoughtful post and comments. I change my yard’s landscaping more often than my bedsheets (well, almost), so I can’t imagine that a new owner wouldn’t do the same thing. My garden suits me, but I’m a bit odd in the landscaping category. I grow vegetables by the front sidewalk and along the driveway and in most of the backyard. Keep chickens too. We have a tiny urban yard that is a National Wildlife Federation Certified Backyard Habitat, and that also grows fruits, vegetables, herbs and flowers. What it doesn’t have is a lawn and traditional landscaping. I like it. Someone else will surely change it, and that’s fine. Plants grow and plants die. They need pruning and they need replacing. Gardens are always in a state of flux. That’s life.
This is a very thought-provoking post! I admit I haven’t really thought about who would care for my garden if I died suddenly, but I do think about what will happen when we move from this house (which will hopefully be in the relatively near future). Every year as I invest more time and emotions and creativity into the garden, I wonder about if/how it will be cared for, of if I should avoid certain things because I won’t be here long enough to see them come to fruition. Usually I decide that I should proceed as if I were staying for many years, because who knows? Maybe we will and then I’d be disappointed I didn’t plant that tree or start that new border.
I know that my garden won’t survive without my care, but it’s still worthwhile to me. As it matures, I hope to take some beautiful pictures and compile them in one of those self-published books that are so easy to create now. Then I’ll have that to take with me to the nursing home or pass on to my grandkids. Even if they don’t keep caring for my garden, I hope my children will catch the passionfor plants from me and create beauty in the landscapes surrounding their homes someday. That’s enough for me to feel satisfied.
Good morning Dee. I don’t worry much about what happens to my garden. After all, it is just a collection of plants that can be found almost anywhere. I worry more about the old trees and the plantings I’ve done for the birds and wildlife. Whoever lives here after I’m gone will have to make decisions based on their own interests.
Marnie
Isn’t it interesting how we gardeners are often more attached to the gardens than to the house? I think it’s because we’ve tended to the plants with loving care. In some cases we’ve grown them from seed, coddling them, talking to them (or am I the only one who does that?), watering, transplanting, protecting them from frost. It’s a huge task.
I’ve had to leave two gardens behind. In each case, I dug up all the unusual plants and sentimental favorites, potted them up, and stored them at a friend’s house before putting the house on the market (thankfully we weren’t buried under snow at the time of the move). I rented a U-Haul trailer and towed those plants cross-country to start a new garden. Friends thought I was crazy. I felt relieved – at least I knew some of the plants were going to a good home 🙂 I subsequently learned that the new owners of one house took a weed-whacker to the front beds and covered it all with sod. In the other house, the owners had no idea how to take care of the garden and it went to seed/weed – but they still liked it.
At this point, my newest garden (3 years old so far) is filled with plants I brought with me, as well as passalong plants from friends across the country. It gives the garden so much more meaning and the time I spend in it is precious to me.
Thought provoking post, Dee. My garden is filled with many gifts from old neighbors who moved away. I have many of Al Goldner’s (an innovator in Michigan landscaping) beloved daylilies, his garden opened to faithful customers after he died. I have adopted many preserved wildflowers from building sites. In great appreciation for gift of growing up surrounded in beauty, I know my children will tend and care for my plants, either here or in their own gardens that already resemble mine. Happy Valentine’s Day <3
A very thought-provoking post, Dee. Frances at Fairegarden wrote about something similar a few weeks ago, but you’ve taken the idea a step further with some suggestions. My aunt had a beautiful garden, but when her husband–her garden companion–became terminally ill, she gave it up. Family members helped to dig up her irises and daylilies, and many of us received the passalong plants. I don’t know their names, but I call them “Nettie’s lily” and “Nettie’s iris” in honor of her. This is the ideal way to keep the gardening tradition alive. I don’t know what might happen to my garden, but two of my grandchildren come and “help” me plant each spring, so I’m hoping I have at least a couple future gardeners who might see that my garden survives.
Have you ever seen the movie “Grey Gardens”? Someone else recommended it on a post, and so I watched it. It’s about two distant cousins of Jackie Kennedy who become recluses in a deteriorating estate. The garden is a small part of the movie, but it’s a sad example of what can happen when a garden is not maintained.
And congratulations to the winner of the Fiskars mower! I’m so glad this went to such a worthwhile cause.
Dana’s post reminded me of my parents. Every year they grew a beautiful vegetable garden and had a spectacular rose garden at their home in Council Hill. When they decided to re-retire to Sapulpa a few years ago to be closer to the family they brought some of their rose bushes with them. Dad passed away so mom moved to a small house near my sister. She started another small rose garden there. Last fall Mom’s health really started to decline so she decided to give me a lot of her rose bushes. She felt she could not really enjoy them anymore. One day I cut a bouquet of her roses and brought them in for her. I said “Mom, keep those rose bushes for now. We will bring the roses in for you to enjoy since you physically cannot go to them.” She loved the idea. My sisters and I will help take care of her rose bushes for now. Some day I will move them to my home when Mom is no longer with us.
As for my kids, they show little interest in our growing things on our place. I guess I need to ask them what they will do with all my roses when I am no longer her on earth.
I meant to say gets along well at the end!
Great post, Dee.
My mother is an avid gardener. After my father passed away, we had to sell our family home where mom had made an oasis front and back. They had lived there for over 40 years. She could not keep up with all of it anymore. The person who bought the house actually came to the estate sale in May and begged to see the backyard. It was in full bloom.
The gardens sold the house for us.
We then had to think about moving plants. My sweet husband went to my mom’s house and moved to our garden my grandmother’s roses and many, many plants. So now when my mother comes to my home she can see all her plants, plus she is gardening away at her assisted living.
She has beautified the patio there and has a corner where she makes the world a better place. She does container gardening at it’s best!
Her morning glories are spectacular. People are amazed at what she is able to do with so little. I can see a day in the future where they let her take over the landscaping at the assisted living. She is 88 years old and gets very well! Gardening has kept her young and active.
Stopping by to congratulate you on your Okie Blog Award nomination.
You have a beautiful, outstanding blog!
Great post. I don’t know if you saw one of my previous posts about the possibility of moving in the near future. Leaving the garden will be the hardest part although I’ll probably take a lot of plants with me. But, having created the garden from scratch 17 years ago, it is going to be difficult. Something else I worry about is whether having a large high-maintenance garden will make selling our property more difficult. It all gets complicated!
I hope to visit Elizabeth Lawrence’s garden one day. She is one of my favorite writers and has inspired me greatly.
I’ve already told my friends that if anything ever happened to me they should take plants from my garden. No one else is going to put up with taking care of it as it is now.
Gardens come and go, as do we gardeners. Having left my 8-year-old garden a year and a half ago, I have struggled with this issue myself. I love the idea of giving away pieces of one’s garden to family and friends rather than trying to preserve the entire garden by pinning one’s hopes on a sympathetic buyer.
I don’t know if I’ll ever garden anywhere as long as you have at 20 years, Dee. My DH & I may be too restless to ever settle anywhere so long. So each time I start a garden (like now) I know that it’s only mine for a short while, maybe 10 years or so. I have to ignore the thought of moving in order to move forward with a new garden. If I let myself think about the likelihood of a future move, I don’t know if I’d want to start at all.
Great post Dee and very true. You’re right about England too, a beautiful garden is as important as a great kitchen there. We are truly a nation of gardeners!
BTW I need a favour pls, it’s called a vote (different one now), pop over.
Although it would be wonderful to think someone would take stewardship of my garden when I’m gone–or for that matter, that it would be worthy of being preserved–I can think of no finer way to preserve someone’s memory that sharing flowers and plants with good friends and gardeners. I love that story, Dee.
A garden like yours is a big commitment. Bear may not be able to take it and care for it when the time comes. But if she’s already interested, she’ll create her own garden. That is also a fitting tribute to what you have created.
Hugs to you for a great post, Dee.
Robin Ripley
I wish I could come hear the talk. Tovah Martin is an excellent writer, I can only imagine how great it would be to hear her talk about gardening. If I had a great garden, I might consider something, but the garden is for my own pleasure, so when I move on, I’m not going to worry about what happens to it. That way lies angst.
What a great topic. I do think about what will happen to my garden after I leave. Last year about this time I had to move away from my beloved Southern garden to cold and snowy New England. I miss many of the plants. I left instructions for the new owners but I expect they tore out my big sunny perennial garden. I just really hope they didn’t dig up any of my unusual shrubs that I spent so much time and energy on. Unfortunately The Husband got laid off and found a job quickly and we had to move during the colder months so I didn’t really have a chance to find homes for much.
But I’m not much for looking back, I’d rather look forward. I did go overboard year one by converting about half of my small front yard into a mixed use garden. I plan to finish the job this year and then the side yard and I’m planing and planting dog tolerant plants in the back and a neighbor is no longer keeping up with her gardens and is scaling back and wants to pass on some plants to me this spring and…
And I don’t like the cold winters here in New England so I know I’m going to move again sometime but it’s (hopefully) years in the future so I’ll worry about it when it happens. In the meantime where did I put that catalog from Plant Delights?
Your friend Wanda sure had a wonderful garden. I can only imagine the agony of leaving it.
It sounds like it will be a good talk~~wish I could be there~to see you both! The Howe Wildflower Garden was gifted to Cheekwood in the late sixties. The entire garden, including an outbuilding, the boulders and ornamentation was dug and removed to Cheekwood where it is is lovingly maintained. It is an inspiration to me and many other wildflower enthusiasts. gail
Hey Dee, I would love to be able to come to hear Tovah talk! I wanted to mention the great works of the Garden Conservancy, the only national organization preserving private gardens. Here, in North Carolina, we are very fortunate the Garden Conservancy has protected, thus far, two gardens. The Elizabeth Lawrence Garden in Charlotte and Montrose in Hillsborough. As you know, the Garden Conservancy was instrumental in developing the conservation relationship with Wing Haven. H.
Helen, you’re absolutely right, and I was remiss not to mention them. I love the Garden Conservancy. They do good work.~~Dee