It’s Hard Out Here For A Hoe

Shsssh, the “Red Dirt Rambler” has gone to the garden center, yet again, for more plants. RDR wasn’t going to do a hoe post. She was trying to let May 3rd slip by with no talk of hoes. She wasn’t even going to visit other blogs having a hoe down, because she doesn’t want the world to know how badly we’re treated.

RDR doesn’t know it, but when she brought her laptop out to write, our spies saw May Dreams Garden’s Hoe Down. While RDR is away, we’re having a “parteah.”

However, while we’re here, we’ve got a grievance or two that we want to air. It doesn’t matter how dirty or tired we feel, we are expected to serve at her pleasure like she’s the Queen of England or something.

It’s hard out here for a hoe. As Rodney Dangerfield would say, “We get no respect.”

Once she’s disposed of the crab grass, Bermuda grass, or the bindweed, she just drops us and leaves us where we lie. If we’re lucky, she stuffs us into a bucket with all the other gardening implements. Do you know how stuck up the Felco Pruners are? Although we’ve seen plenty of starry nights, we’re ready to come into the garage. Better yet, build us a classy shed like the ones in her friend, Debra’s, book, Stylish Sheds and Elegant Hideaways.

We try to hide in the grassy paths, but she always seems to find us. Must be the color on the handles. One of our older short-handled hoes, a Smith & Hawken, is still out there hiding. Or, did RDR “put her out to pasture?” Permanently.

Can someone please tell her the importance of cleaning and oiling her garden implements? Since our employer won’t pay for our upkeep, we want socialized hoe care.

One of our members, a twenty year garden veteran, was lost, she says, by a teen, on a high school work project. We went on a hoe strike, but she brought in newcomers, aluminum and powder coated scabs that broke the picket line. We’ll never forgive them.

Although we have other dissatisfactions, those are our chief ones. We’d like you, the other bloggers, to comment some sense into her. Carol, you seem a sensible hoe supervisor. She treats us like she owns us, handle and blade.

The long-handled hoes have their own complaint.

“We don’t like how she plays favorites. We all work hard for her, but she turns again and again to the small, hand-held hoes. It’s favoritism or nepotism or some ‘ism.’ Give us justice!”

Perhaps this “parteah” is turning into more of an organizational meeting. RDR better watch out. This is America you know. Hoes unite!